2009; INCOMING 2010.

Hmm.
no idea what to type?
aniwaes;
its 11.59PM now^^
its the LAST DAY OF 2009 & the LAST MINUTE OF 2009 :D
hahas.
hope that next year, 2010, would be a better year for me bahhs.
*wonders if anione would be in the same school as me next year*

iim wishing for 2010 to be:
1-A Happier Year
2-Less Commotions
3-Less Conflicts
4-More Fun :D

ii hope to be in 2010:
1-More Discipline-d
2-Get Stronger[as in less prone to sickness && stamina]
3-Be Happier! :D


hmmm.
&&& ii hope JANUARY 2010 would be an EXCELLENT mth;
cause' of olevel results & admissions :P

JAE - JC or POLY?

Okays.
just decided on my course of tertiary education.
no wait.
have not decided the full course.
cause' ii've onli chosen the courses iim gonna take.
JC-Science
Poly-Many? cant say tons.
hmmm.
iim focused for POLY on hotel, resort, leisure, tourism management.
psycology too! [burt its lyk 8 COP?!]
thenns JC ii headed for banking.
stucked with JC/Poly.
aiming JC bahhs?
decided not to go AJC le.
didnt know the COP was 7 for Science.
God.
tough mark larhhs~
SRJC, JJC, CJC, PJC, TPJC
TP, NYP, SP, NP.
decided what iim gonna take if iim in JC,
poly.. not yet?
no idea which poly would be best.
thou, TP seems to be the best choice?
since ii really want the course T01..

aniwaes;
its the last day of 2009!
gonna set post for 11.59pm :D

OUTING?

29.12.2009'Tuesday.
went out with Elvira & Jaslyn.
supposed to go sentosa;
burt upon arriving vivo;
decided not to go.
hahas.
cause too many people le.
aniwaes;
watched SHERLOCK HOLMES.
nice movie :D
wanted to try Avatar thou.
thenns ate at LJS,
and mii & Jas went to buangkok.
gort my christmas present;
a little shocked.
went compass,
finally bought Jas's Birthday Present le^^
home-d after that.


30.12.2009'Wednesday-Today.
woke at 5;
dine-d at 6plus;
read till 8plus;
watch-d show till now.
aniwaes;
bored, bored, boredom.
intending to go kovan tomo thou.
to learn how to knit.
hmmm.
no idea if they gort open shop not.
*wonders if ii should pull humans along?*
iidontknow.

iidontknow.

it just means to me:

ii've never thought of it.

ii dont wanna know.

ii love to say iidontknow;

cause' ii dont wanna find out any answers.

cause' sometimes, ii just wanna put myself out of anything that can cause me misery.

cause, ii just wanna be an sotong for moments,

to be in a world that is simple, fun and stress free.

a world that can put a smile on my face,

a smile in my heart.

merry x'mas :D

okays.

25th December 2009;

MERRY CHRISTMAS HUMANS!

especially by beloved humans! :D

aniwaes;
currently watchin drama;
2.37am.
hahas.
been sleeping around 3plus 4plus.
latest was actually 6.41am.
thou;
been staying at home; rotting & sleeping :D
&& peeps;
PLEASE dont call mii during 7am-3pm.
iim SLEEPING!
the earliest time ii would wake up ishh 3pm.
thou,
woke at 9plus to give meixiu her books;
slept back.
ahahs.
aniwaes;
iim craving fishballs nowwwww~
jus ate tangyuan.
been ages since ii ever ate rice/noodles.
since ii wake at 3pm;
ii dont have breakfast nor lunch marhhs..
thenn dinner ii always ask my bro buy the side dishes onli;
dont wan rice.
now;
ii sortta find it hard to eat rice/noodles larhhs.
mum once brought wanton mee;
ii ate 1/2 mouths cannot take it le;
lyk bloated liiaos.
thenns oso wanna vomit.
hymp.
shudd eat more bahhs?
underweight le; [unbelievable larhhs!]
must gain weight! [nt excessively thou.]
:D
okiies;

merry christmas humans

& have a great and refreshing new year! <3333

COCONUT~

Okays.
iim currently drinking my coconut;
my mum damn good larhhs.
she help mii open marhhs.
then she chop the top.
she onli cracked the shell; never "destroy" the top part of the meat.
hahas.
aniwaes;
its superb-ly sweet :D
was supposed to go sentosa with elvira today;
burt the morning sky looked as thou gonna rain le;
weather forecast say shower;
so nv go.
burt its lyk bright and sunny?
l0ls.
gonna go on 29dec with jas & elvira thou^^
sandwiches made by elvira!
hahas.
ii bring my beloved longan and red date drink.
[addicted cause' of pris><]
gonna watch my DVDs lerhhs :D
forgot to buy 终及三国 thou.
siians~

hmmm.

have yet to look at the thickthick book for JC POLY courses.

hahas.

directly aft o's was work.

aft work was relax.

&& now iim fretting for my o's results.

AJC seems to be a farfar dream;

nv to be reached.

even if get into JC;

which courses should ii take?

economics?

for banking?

or survive JC and get into uni for hotel and resort management?

how should ii plan?

what will ii be in the future?

what will ii get for completing masters?

to what age should ii plan to?

yesterday is past.

today is current.

tomorrow is future.

how will ii noe how to plan,

if ii myself dont noe how and to what extend?

if iim to die early;

ii wanna play and study and get into a good JC anjd UNI.

if iim to die old;

ii wanna do the same things,

excel more.

cause' if ii die old,

ii live longer, ii dont wanna suffer.

good day; bad day.

okays.
seriously officially quit le.
need not go back lerhhs!!
worked for her for 3days; plus 2hrs[today].
didnt expect her to give me pay;
burt yesh; she is giving me pay!
god.
somemore nt ii ask de.
she finally;
for once;
took the initiative. hahas.
aniwaes;
gonna get my "extra" pay nxt wk.
now ii can rest fully lerhhs.
feel as thou a v.heavy burden was took off my shoulders.
jus lyk directly after my olevels.
feels great; am great :D

aniwaes;
iim glad ii worked today.
cause' Alan gave out chocolates!
ishh Calbury de.
each one 1.
thenns iim included! yays!

thenns;
as for my heading;
good day-obviously all of the above.
bad day-cause' today at the wee hours of the day my eyelid twitched.
so tomo think bad day?
burt both my left & right twitch.
alternate larhhs=.=

no idea;
gonna bask in my freedom noww :D

&& something random;
my rm now gort 2L of longan & Red date drink;
&& 1.48L of Yeo's Wintermelon Tea;
&& 1.8L of Yeo's Chrysanthemum Tea><

NOT EVEN OVER MY DEAD BODY

shit her larhhs.
[EX-boss]
she's lyk "uue'll get ure pay when uue finish ure work lorhhs"
MY WORK!?!
she sure nort!?!
asshole.
iim soooooooooo NOT gonna do HER WORK.
not even over my dead body.
ii hate her.
no.
II ABHORE HER.
tomo;
aft mii & jas go settle the testimonal thing at school;
iim gonna rot at the centre until she appears.
iim NOT gonna do HER BLOODY WORK while waiting.
if she REFUSES to give me pay;
iim gonna ask my mum help ask her.
simple as that.
iim not going overboard;
burt SHE HAS GONE OVERBOARD; WAY TOO MUCH.

DENIAL

am in denial;
as from my tarot-in the past.
now;
iim deluding thyself;
and it works well with denial... ii guess.

relaxing at home;
burt iim bored ii guess.
[nahhs.]
slept till 2.08 this aftnoon;
sms-d humans b4 that.
even sms message to wrong person=.=
brain never function. hahas..

ii dont wanna be alone.

it makes mii think.

its nort a good sign.

by myself; my mask falls.

its even harder to contain.

cause'

alone-d; ii face the truth.

the reality of things.

and it hurts.

a lot.

emo-lishious as ii am;

ii love the night; the moon; the stars; the cold & the rain.

and ii'd love;

to be all away.

nt fm this earth;

burt away from myself.

cause' ii hide my feelings;

and the pain jus magnifies.

away from myself;

away from thinking;

away from living.

FURIOUS;

Okays.
my mum is officially enraged now.
she's offically pissed furious w my ex-boss.
KUDOS to her.
cuzz she wans mii to do some MORE work.
thenn say what ishh MY RESPONSIBILITY.
seriously;
she told mii to do the TWO files.
NEVER did ii hear her say THREE.
now;
she wans mii to do the sec3&4 file;
God. Damn. Shit.
She FAIL her Mathematics or what?
still needa upload piics.
&&;
iim glad iim going back on tues to collect pay.
cause' thats when all the beans spills.
cause' thats when II SCREAM. she keeps HER MOUTH SHUT.
unless of course,
my mum screams at her first^^

II QUIT LERHHS!!

FINALLY!
II QUIT MY GOD.DAMN JOBB LERHHS!!!~

OMG,
damn high now.
feel so relaxed larhhs;
gort my job that time ii was time-lag larhhs.
didnt noe what date ishh today;
do until ii didnt noe what time=.=
1day can do up to 13hours near 14.
God.
burt now;
iim finally FREE~
can sleep longlong;
can do whatever ii want;
dont need do worksheets/ppt lerhhs!

gonna get pay on tue/wed.
burt 23DEC still needa go back;
flyers to sec.school.
burt gonna ask if ii can miss that.
cause' ii gort back prob~

aniwaes;
gonna go SLEEP lerhhs :DD

0502am

okays.
its currently 0502AM now.
&& what am ii doing?
P6 MATH!
WORK.
GOD.
sleep so little time=.=
&&;
iim at my fifth topic nia.
still gort the sixth thenns finish lerhhs.
SIIANS.
have a feeling later she will wan us redo the MATH.

5.dec.2009

hmmm;
drinking yummyyummy soup now^^
yumyum~

worked today[typical?; dont get why ii type that out thou]
bored.
reached at 1pm;
taught math at 2pm-330pm.
science ishh 500-630pm.
thenns typing,typing,typing.
bored;
onli ii there.
cause jh nv come; wx & jas leave early.
ii solo till 930.
anw;
need to complete my math!
ARGHH!
still gort percentage(1/2); Time & speed; Average.
must finish by today!
wait.
ishh tomo.
okiies; continue my math lerhhs...

飞轮海·很安静

飞轮海.很安静

要说得多动听
才能证明最亲密的关系
云绕着天空什么也没讲
已是最美好的约定

要说得多华丽
才能说出最默契的默契
我在你身边呼吸都沉默
你却懂我每个情绪
这世界太热闹怎么倾听
一颗心呼唤另一颗的声音
这世界再热闹还好我们
刚好在这里刚好很安静

love you~love you~

要说得多肯定
才能肯定两个人的心情
风遇上风筝还没有邀请
已经一起愉快旅行

要说得多用力
才能留下最坚定的确定
每一个路口你不用开口
我已经重合你脚印

这世界太热闹怎么倾听
一颗心呼唤另一颗的声音
这世界再热闹还好我们
刚好在这里刚好很安静(刚好很安静)
所有感受不用形容
已经那么懂(已经那么懂)
所有的感动是安静的心动(安静的心动)
这世界再热闹也没关系
每一个眼神我们就能感应
这世界再热闹我们已经
在彼此心里所以很安静(所以很安静)

DEATH

worked today.
[everyday=.=]
overslept.
supposed to report at 930,
reached at 1155.
l0ls.
mathmathmath.
left at 6;
movie at tampines.
was lost.
found belle.
NEW MOON.
FAB.
slightly late thou[watch-d it b4]
cuzz ii was a lost sheep.

iim bushed.

iim made of emotions and meat.

and being a human too.

iim not a machine or a robot.

ii cant function non-stop.

ii cant pretend nth is wrong.

ii cant not feel.

even machines need their rest.

a break is all ii need.

not a break to sleep.

a break from the whole entire world & every human being on the Earth.

ii thought it was all fine.

sunshine over rain.

noppes.

iim wrong.

&& ii've always been wrong.

why is it that iim the one taking the initiative?

why is it that iim the kind one?

why is it that iim the generous one?

why is it that ii feel?

ii dont wanna be the person who cares.

ii dont wanna be the person who is concerned.

ii dont wanna be the IDIOT who cares or others more than themselves.

ii dont wanna be the dummy, who willing die for others.

ii dont wanna be the one,

the one who takes all the blame, my fault or not.

ii dont wanna be the stupid one,

the one that is hurt because others are hurt.

ii dont wanna be blamed,

for something that ii was encouraged to do,

not right nor wrong,

but the fault is always mine.

ii dont wanna be the one who is brainless enough to be a shield;

a shield for people around me.

ii dont wanna be treated lyk a machine,

cause even machines malfunction.

ii dont wanna live;

cause my wish is for death.

ii dont wanna be the one who gets hurt.

ii dont wanna be the one to be strong.

ii dont wanna be the one to be brave.

ii dont wanna be the one who is responsible.

ii dont wanna be the one who lives for others.

ii dont wanna be the one;

the one that is all of the above.

happiness. why despair?

ii should feel glad and happy and relief now.
but why do ii feel a wave of sadness?
despair?
this confuses me.
ii've programmed myself to hide everything,
yet my programme is not specific enough to control the real inner emotions.

forgiveness; never

ii can never forgive you.

its not my stand to say so,

but,

its not something ii can forgive.

given another chance,

ii would NEVER let you hurt her.

you would nv understand the pain.

cuzz uue hurt-d her.

& now;

uue are a friend of mine NO MORE.

did ii make a right choice?
hmmmm. -thinking in process-
ii didnt. ii guess.

work today.
ppt, sci exp, receipts, attendance list, worksheets.

tomo:
Primary 6 maths ppt,
photos , lessons fm 2-5,
&& duno what.



ii hope ii never see you again.
its for the better ii guess.
sometimes ii wonder.
would anything change if ii died?
as my foolish wish,
hold me back.
it can & will never come true. ii believe.
that is what that hurts me most.
its a foolish wish that was never real,
yet, as dumb as ii can be,
lyk a kid waiting for the real santa,
it was never possible.
it will never come true.
it was never real.
its hard to say goodbye,
&& ii've jus made it worst.
ii dun wanna see you again,
if thats how iim gonna say bye.
cuzz, thats how it is meant to be.
cuzz, thats you.

ii know the pain,

how it feels.

thats why, ii can never forgive people who hurt my friends.